new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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