I just pynch a tree in the face
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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