I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
