weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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