how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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