I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
