Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
