Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
