I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
