can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
