i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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