chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
