no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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