So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
