I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
