He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
