What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
