My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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