How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
