I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
