So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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