'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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