You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
