if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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