she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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