hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
