So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
