i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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