Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
