I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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