We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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