I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
