You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
