i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
