My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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