My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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