An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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