I have demons in me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
