I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
