I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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