I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
