I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
