she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
