I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
