I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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