Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
