I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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