yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
