I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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