I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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