Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
