So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
