I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
