I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
