I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
