Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You did what with his pubic hair?
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