Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
